In Memory of our Fights:

Dear Faisal,

We are more then 3 months now together as a wife and husband.

For all this time when we were being together, living together, working as well

I found out how much exactly you really loved me.

On the beginning of our friendship and after in the relationship you were doing this humiliating things.

 First was Rizwana,

later in December and in new years eve was this girl to which one I can’t call now, later on was in January all different kind of dating websites,

On March and when I was in Poland was gumtree and girls again,

 In April there was hi5 again and you didn’t join hi5group because you wanted to stop just to continuous cheating on me. WHEN I WAS IN POLAND I SENT YOU EMAILS ABOUT WHY YOU COULD DO THIS TO ME CHEATING ON ME WITH THIS GIRLS AND SOON WHEN I COME BACK YOU DIDN’T CARE AND YOU JOINED HI5 GROUP EXACTLLY 8/04/07. THIS IS GOOD PROOF THAT YOU TREATED ME AS A SHIT. YOU COMPLETLLY DID’NT CARE THAT IN A MONTH WE WILL MARRY. YOU LIKE EASY LIFE AND FUN, GIRLS, SMOKING, SEX, PLAY. BUT IF YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME YOU MUST STOP HAVING FUN-YOU MUST WORK FOR OUR HOME, LIFE, KIDS.

(how ever could you tell to someone that she is beautiful being with me- Actually I shouldn’t worry about her she is too good for you Faisal-but the point is that you are cheating on me saying this kind of things to girls)

 After our wedding you were checking girls and even you couldn’t stop to turn around your head to look at nice ass.

You sad you will not do it but I actually I don’t care now will you do it or no. I think I am stopping loving you Faisal.

 I am still your wife and you are right that we can leave someone but now it will not be so easy. We are marriage. I don’t want divorce. Not now. But I must say that I am thinking about it. Now I am sick and I must think about my health and to recover myself. After I’ll think what to do.

All I wanted from you was love. Not like this one. If we are not respecting each other we don’t have anything. If we don’t love each other we don’t have anything. That’s sad but true.

I am sorry that I am not so beautiful that you can only admire me.

You need more. So you shouldn’t decided to marry me.

But you have what you wanted to have.

That is what I feel.

 And I can’t hide it. Marriage is not for that you will be dieing in relationship. All I can say I wish you have fun with your dirty friends and your nice girls. I hope you will be happy.

There’s a lot of things that I can’t forget you how you were treating me.

 I really appreciated that now you are trying to do something on eBay and stall. I want you to do it. I will help you as much as I can. But don’t expect from me that for this kind of treating me I still want to be with you. It is not possible that you will be cheating on me and I will still love you. Not like this. If you think that I didn’t deserve for you, you are wrong, I can have someone far, far better then you. But it was matter of make up your decision. I don’t need this. I don’t need you to talk to me ‘’fuck off’’, or that ‘’I am mental’’ or ‘’go man’’, how could you hurt me so much. And how about our baby. I lost our baby. You were happy about that I am pregnant, but later on you realised that no, I don’t want because I don’t have money and what we can give him. You just woke up. Woke up-it is the highest time. If you don’t want to loose everything. Me. But am I so important to you that it is worth to keep me next to you.

This everything I wrote few days ago. Yesterday I asked you about divorce. And as usually we had a fight. Today by phone we had a fight again. I called you and I decided to give our marriage last chance. But we need to promises to each other and keep it that we will respect each other, not lie not cheating, no fighting, just try to built our trust, trying to love each other new way, better way. Try to build house, work, relationship, for us and in the future for our kids. Let’s do it.

Of course that you can go out with your friends but tell me where who and come back earlier not 4 o’clock in the morning, or I must begging you to come up stairs to sleep. This kind of situation shouldn’t happen. If you will explain me everything and promises me behaving like good husband should behave I will never say anything.  But also your friends can’t be more important then your family and your wife and house. If you didn’t respect me it means you didn’t love me. But …

I want you to promise me that if I will be sick you will come back to home straight after work not like you did it, you were walking around the waterloo station and talking for an hour by phone. I come out from hospital and you couldn’t come to me-what I did to you?

 And if you think that I didn’t love you and I don’t love you now you are totally wrong. I still love you but my love is not as deep as it was. I was walking without shoes from Upton Park to east ham. And I did it for you just for you. So I can look like Asian girl in Asian dress. Just for you. And I think that what I did and more things for you and us so you have no doubt to believe in this that I really love you. That what you did and I did it was just stupid ness. I hope that you can be honest with me and you can love me and respect me as a wife girl and person. And trust me please I will never ever do anything what can hurt you just only be good for me.

Also about my culture-you know nothing about it. Just all you know that in Poland we have nice girls, hard working, and that’s it. And you all the time saying about my culture is shit. That is just stupid.

Even student coming to the desk and telling you that you are enjoying to romance with the nice girl students. Also member of stuff they are telling that. I wasn’t wrong telling you all the time what you are doing. I was behaving like a wife and you all the time were behaving like free man who wants only fun, chatting, girl, smoking, and that’s it. Work in college is only for using internet to chat with the girls and nice students.

You used me like a trash. But it is too much now.

We have last chance now.

I hope that we were smarter then before and we will not lose this chance.

Your Magdalena

5/09/07